


Lonely Gods

by raven_aorla



Series: Godly Wodly [1]
Category: Doctor Who, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Intersexuality, Unplanned Pregnancy, attempted infanticide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-15
Updated: 2012-05-15
Packaged: 2017-11-05 10:30:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/405411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_aorla/pseuds/raven_aorla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Odin calls upon the Doctor to go fetch his sons from Earth. The Doctor agrees, but only if he gets to take custody of Loki and try to redeem him. He learns Loki's darkest secret in the process and must make things right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lonely Gods

Not my characters. Spoilers.

...

The characteristic thrum and wheeze of a Time Lord's conveyance filled Odin All-Father's throne room. At first the guards drew their weapons and made ready to attack, but Odin stopped them with a wave of his hand. "It is the blue box of the Doctor, our friend. At ease."

He had first made the Doctor's acquaintance during the war with the Frost Giants. At the time he had curled brown hair and a long, multicolored strip of cloth about his neck which swung and trailed as he walked. His advice about ending the war quickly had saved Asgard much bloodshed.

The second time he visited he had changed his face, in the manner of Gallifreyans who avoided death for another round, and had golden hair and a coat the color of wheat. He had come to announce the tragic news of the destruction of Traken and relate the tale of how it had come about, presenting also Nyssa, a princess of Traken who had been the sole survivor. She had been given warm welcome and counsel in her time of mourning. During the visit he had played also with Odin's young sons, teaching Thor a game known as "cricket" with a large wooden club that struck a thrown red ball, and enthralling Loki with tales of time and space.

The third time his face had changed yet again - he explained that for himself it had been many centuries since his last visit - and his coat was greener than emeralds, his form small and delicate. He brought sad tidings of the Time War and the possibility of the Time Lords losing their honor and nobility in their desperation to overcome their foes. So he had stolen the Tesseract, a source of power, that he feared might be misused to harm innocents. He begged Odin to take the Tesseract and protect it, even to the extent of making others believe it was relic of Asgard rather than Gallifrey. Odin swore to do as he asked.

The fourth time he had almost crashed into a pillar, such was the state of his smoking and battered ship. Out had collapsed another face, hair cropped close to his skull and a short coat of leather. It had been days before anyone, no matter how gentle and caring, had managed to coax him into speaking of Gallifrey's destruction.

This time the Doctor wore a long coat of brown and hair that stood nearly on end. "Hullo, Odin. I'm afraid I can't stay; I have been summoned to the Oodsphere and I have delayed too long already. But it occurred to me that you've been a good friend and ally all these years, and I should pay you back for that."

"It was you who first allied with me, honorable Doctor," Odin replied.

The Doctor smiled, but there was sadness in his eyes. He walked up to the throne, giving a small bow, and handed Odin a silver device with a single button. "If you need my help, press this and hold down until a count of ten. I will come. I can't guarantee that it will catch me at the correct time, but I will know it as something I built and will trust you even if I will not have met you yet. Farewell."

"Farewell, if you truly cannot stay even for a few hours."

The Doctor shook his head. "If I don't go now I never will. And I would rather the four knocks didn't sound here. By the way, have you told Loki yet?"

Odin didn't bother to ask how the Doctor knew, for the Time Lord worked in mysterious ways. "He is not ready."

"You shouldn't put that off too long. Free advice. Goodbye and good luck, All-Father." And he shut the door behind him, his box fading away.

...

Half the SHIELD personnel, including Natasha Romanov, had their guns trained on what looked like a blue phone booth that had noisily appeared out of nowhere in one of the kitchens on the airship by the time its door opened. What exited was somewhat anticlimactic - a gawky young-looking man with floppy hair, a gray coat and a bow tie. He had his hands up. "Ooh, dear, a lot of guns. Come in peace, et cetera. Are Thor and Loki on board? Tell them their dad sent an old friend to see how they are."

"So you're from Asgard too?" Natasha asked.

He laughed. "Do I look like it? No. But my people were allied with them."

"Were?"

"They're gone now. Long story. I'm the Doctor. Hello. Could we be putting guns down now? I'm unarmed."

That's when Thor barreled through the crowd of agents and wrapped the Doctor in a hug. "It is good to see you, Gallifreyan healer!"

"Oof! Yes, it's good to see you too...not so tight please..."

"Sorry, sorry." Thor let him go and adjusted his bow tie for him with large hands.

Natasha gave a few quick orders, sending the other agents away. "Thor's vouching for you, but I'll have to ask that you come see Fury."

"Oh, naturally, naturally," the Doctor replied, all amiable, despite his slight wince from Thor's arm around his shoulders in heavy chumminess. They followed Natasha through the halls to the elevator. "My, how you've grown. Odin's worried about the two of you and whether you'll be able to return, Thor. I'm the only person he knows who could easily take you back home, so he summoned me. How is Loki? I've heard about some of the - well, it's unfortunate, isn't it? Such a sweet child he was."

"Perhaps you can coax him, Doctor. He always thought highly of you. We have him in a cage at the moment."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "That bad? My."

...

"We do seem to be having an epidemic of aliens just popping out of nowhere," Tony Stark mused dryly as the Avengers present on the ship watched the video feed of the Doctor being interrogated by Nick Fury. At least Fury seemed to think it was an interrogation. The Doctor seemed to think it was some kind of cheerful social call, at once point even producing a packet of cookies from his pocket and offering "a nice ginger biscuit", eating them himself when the offer was rejected.

"The Doctor is a good man," Thor attested yet again.

Steve looked up from where he was poking, bewildered, at an iPad Tony had deliberately left on the table to see how the temporally displaced man would react. "You said he was from a place called 'Gallifrey'. Where is that? What's it like?"

"It was the land of the Time Lords, the oldest and wisest race of them all, even more so than my people. They learned the secrets of time travel, so ingrained in their very bones that they may even cheat death by changing their bodies and make themselves into new men, yet still remembering who they are. They fought a terrible war. He is the last of his kind." Thor scratched his beard thoughtfully. "He seemed like a kind of wizard or Elf when I was a child, appearing out of nowhere unexpectedly with gifts and tales to tell."

"How old is he?" Natasha asked.

"Father said nearly a thousand years."

That's when Bruce emerged from the lab. "I've been scanning the Doctor remotely using some of your tech, Tony. He's definitely either an alien or a surprisingly well-adjusted congenital birth defect - two hearts."

...

Fortunately for everyone, especially Fury's sanity, the Doctor's suggestion of calling the UK and an organization known as UNIT confirmed the Doctor's status as a friendly alien.

"You really should let me see Loki," the Doctor said once he was told of this.

"Sell me on it," Fury replied.

"First, Loki unfortunately is very upset at his brother right now and considers humans to be insects - very wrong of him, by the way, humans are delightful, always surprising me - but he's never been anything but fond of me. Second, I know you want to know where the Tesseract is. So do I. And while I try not to make a habit of it, and I really don't like doing it to someone unwilling, my ability to read minds is preferable to torture. More accurate, as well. It unfortunately requires physical contact."

A short while later Thor and the Doctor were granted access into Loki's cell. "Father has sent the Doctor to assist us," Thor explained.

Loki raised an eyebrow. "I see that you have died again, Doctor. Come to mend my tortured soul?"

"That would be preferable to the other options, yes," the Doctor replied, pacing. "Had a friend like you once. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant - but as a result of being used as a pawn in a larger scheme went completely mad. We spent centuries fighting across the cosmos. I am fairly certain he's dead, but then again I was before and was wrong before. The point is that I'm tired of losing people I like. And I liked you very much. Boundless potential. Don't throw it away."

"If you have nothing further to say than such triteness..."

The Doctor shrugged. "I like giving people a chance. Some even take it. Thor, hold him down."

Thor promptly shoved Loki to the floor, then placed Mjolnir on his chest to act as a Loki-weight. Loki laughed even through his discomfort. "So the true Doctor comes out. Tell me, as I have always wondered, is the reason you were the sole child of Gallifrey to survive the Time War that you were the one who destroyed both sides?"

"To save the Universe, yes, and if you plan on goading me with that be aware that there is no level of guilt, regret, or sadness that anyone could put me through that I haven't put myself through already." The Doctor sat cross-legged on the floor just above Loki's head. "You are welcome to verbally tell me the location of the Tesseract. Taking it directly from your unwilling mind will be painful for both of us."

"Let there be pain."

"You petulant child, you are being offered a chance!" Thor was near bellowing in frustration.

"And how much of a threat did I have to become before you felt such kindness and empathy towards me?" Loki asked.

"If you want to help, Thor, hold Loki's hand. He'll need it in a few seconds," the Doctor said. Then he placed his hands on Loki's temples.

"Don't touch -" Loki didn't manage to finish snarling at Thor before both he and the Doctor started screaming.

...

The Doctor wrote down a set of coordinates and a few additional notes before collapsing into a chair in the main meeting room. Agent Coulson gave him a pat on the shoulder and carried the notes off, presumably to confer with the rest of SHIELD. "If someone could get me an ice pack, please," The Doctor whimpered.

Everyone could see Loki in the cage in a huddled mass, staring at nothing with his brilliant emerald eyes. Thor was still beside him, holding Mjolnir in his lap and gazing at his brother in worry.

"Would you like some aspirin, too?" Steve asked quietly.

"No, aspirin would kill me. Cup of tea would be lovely, though, if you happened to have any on board." When he noticed the stares, the Doctor added, "I spend most of my time on Earth in the U.K. Though I did travel around America for three months in 1969, about fifty years ago from my perspective."

Steve nodded and headed for a kitchen.

"Why does your time machine..." Bruce began.

"Time and space," the Doctor corrected.

"Why does your ship look like a blue phone booth?"

"She has a camouflage protocol that broke when I was in 1960's London," the Doctor replied. "Oh, sorry to correct you; I can be pedantic about her sometimes. It occurred to me that you are someone I wouldn't want to anger."

Bruce laughed ruefully. "I see word gets around. When I'm angry things get broken."

"Oh, it's not as bad as it could be. When I'm angry species cease to exist." The Doctor fumbled in his pockets and produced a handful of hard candies in crinkly wrappers. "Ooh, snozzberry flavor. Anyone want one? They're my favorite treat from Yngvi in the forty-second century."

Tony took one of the candies and peered at it. "Isn't it uncomfortable flying around in such a little box?"

"The TARDIS is bigger on the inside," the Doctor replied. "Would you like a look? I haven't shown her off to any humans for a while."

That's when Steve returned with an ice pack. "No tea, sorry."

"It's alright, the TARDIS probably has a cuppa waiting - she's considerate. In fact, why don't we all have tea on the TARDIS? It's teatime somewhere. Natasha's welcome too; if someone could call her." And the Doctor led the way.

...

"To put it as elegantly as I can," Tony said the moment they stepped across the TARDIS threshold, "this is the shit."

Bruce eyed the console and its plethora of weird odds and ends. "I take it you've repaired it a lot."

Steve just stared with his mouth open.

The Doctor grinned. "It's actually meant for six people to fly, so I've had to make adjustments."

When Natasha followed them, the ship immediately hummed and the lights flickered. "What's that about?"

The Doctor's smile became sad. "I think you remind her of someone she misses. I pick people up to travel with me sometimes, you see. The intention always is just to sightsee, but you know how it is - dictatorships need toppling, genocide needs averting, the fabric of the time-space continuum needs someone to stitch it back together. Humans in particular always seem to be getting into trouble."

"Is the TARDIS run by an A.I.?" Tony asked. "Yours must be very advanced."

"Oh, there's nothing artificial about my Sexy. TARDIS'es are grown, not built. They're a species that developed a symbiotic relationship with Time Lords." The Doctor stroked a wall panel and the ship purred. "Now, now, dear, they're just having a short visit."

"How big is this place?" Steve asked, having finally found his voice.

"Frankly I've no idea. Always finding new rooms. We had to get rid of the swimming pool and bowling alley, though, in a recent misadventure. Once a passenger got lost in the wardrobe for five hours." The Doctor licked his finger and raised it towards the ceiling, as if testing a nonexistent breeze. "And...there's definitely a tea set in sitting room two, though I have to warn you the scones might be a little stale."

"Doctor, this is lovely but..." Natasha began.

The Doctor held up a hand. "It'll good to have some fuel in us before we go rescue your friend Clint and the rest of the people Loki's bewitched. Making them themselves again is going to make my current headache seem like a little twinge, and if I'm going to make it through today I need at least a whole pot of tea for myself."

...

The Doctor took Steve aside for a moment after everyone else was situated around the tea table. "You're probably wondering if I can take you back to your own time."

"Well, yes." Steve looked at the alien hopefully.

"And I have to tell you that I can't. Because history says you never went back to your own time, and it's the kind of history I cannot rewrite. I'm sorry."

Steve took at deep breath and nodded. "Thanks for being honest with me, Doctor."

"Of course. Have you tried the sticky buns?"

...

The Doctor expelled Tony from the TARDIS after he caught him poking at the console's innards. "But it's so cool! Some of it's mechanical, some organic, and I think I may have grasped..."

"OUT!"

...

Five minutes after the SHIELD personnel noticed that their Avengers - minus Thor - had been whisked away, the Doctor brought them right back. Plus Clint Barton and everyone else whom Loki had pressed into his service, all a bit discombobulated but in one piece. Steve and Natasha emerged soon after. Bruce had to be dragged out.

"Honestly, you're almost as bad as Tony," the Doctor grumbled.

"All right, I will admit that you have proven a help," Fury told the Doctor.

The Doctor smiled. "Good. Because I'll be taking the Tesseract, Thor, and Loki with me, and I don't want you to make a fuss about it."

"Returning them to Asgard, I assume."

"Thor, yes. The Tesseract I'm keeping to help power the TARDIS so I don't have to keep hunting for interdimensional rifts for refueling all the time; and because it originally came from Gallifrey, making me the rightful owner. Not to throw my weight around too much, haha. And my deal with Odin was in exchange for fetching Thor back safely, I would return Loki eventually. I have seen Asgardian justice and it is not what would help Loki at this time."

"You think you can fix him somehow?"

The Doctor tapped the side of his own nose. "Trust me, I'm the Doctor."

...

"This ship is a wonder of wonders! I will miss you, Doctor. You should visit more often."

"I'm sure I will, Thor. Good luck."

Thor did his best to hug the Doctor gently. and there was a catch in his voice. "Take care of him."

Loki did not emerge from the wardrobe until he was certain Thor had left. The Doctor had locked a bracelet around one wrist that let him roam freely about the TARDIS but only within ten feet of the Doctor if outside its confines. He had been directed to find some comfortable clothing of his choosing; his armor and helmet had been hidden away in some secret vault. He'd settled on black trousers, a buttoned green shirt, and a black coat, with boots of dark calfskin and a white scarf.

"What is it you plan to do with me?" Loki asked.

"I was thinking of having dinner with you, to start with," the Doctor said. "Found a room you liked?"

"Why are you doing this?"

That sad smile again. Loki didn't know how he felt about it. "Loki, Loki, Loki. The day that you don't need to ask that question is the day I can let you go."

.......

Loki and the Doctor settled into a quiet rhythm after the first few days: meals partaken in mostly silence except for the occasional inconsequential remark by the Doctor and a brief, noncommittal reply from Loki; the Doctor tinkering with his ship and reading various tomes in various languages, not seeking Loki out and not avoiding him either; Loki exploring the seemingly endless catacombs of the ship and sometimes breaking things and screaming as loud as he could. To which there was never a reaction.

Finally the Doctor woke up in the middle of one sleep cycle, a hand twisted in his hair. Loki, clad only what looked like gray yoga pants and a black t-shirt - was kneeling over him, a shard of glass in his hand. "I was wondering when the first murder attempt would happen," the Doctor said quietly.

"You're not frightened, Gallifreyan?" Loki asked, low.

"Not particularly. I don't want you to cut your hand on that, though. And, ouch, must you pull from the scalp?"

"How do you know I won't gut you where you lie?"

The Doctor ticked the reasons off on his fingers. "First, you're clever enough to know that if I died you'd be trapped in the Vortex forever, since only someone with the Time Vortex in their genetic code can reliably fly a TARDIS for more than a crash landing. Second, you'd have done it already. Third, I happen to know when and where I will die, and by whose hand, and this is none of them. Fourth, I may be the only being in the Universe who has hope of understanding you."

With a hiss of some unnamed emotion, Loki released the Doctor and sat beside him on the bed, tossing the glass aside and hugging his own knees. "I doubt that fourth clause."

The Doctor sat up and patted him on the shoulder, his eyes old and kind. "My friend, and you are my friend, I know what it is to be a lonely god. Now go back to your room and sleep."

Loki was a little more cordial towards the Doctor after that, letting the Doctor reach him the Earth games "chess", "checkers", and "go", which he enjoyed as exercises in strategy; sitting in the same room with him as they read, or as he read and the Doctor constructed bizarre devices or wrote things in the interlocked spirals and dots that were the runes of his people. The Doctor even gifted him with a room where the ship would produce illusory enemies for Loki to fight and "blow off some steam" in the Doctor's words, and it was the only room in the ship where his magic worked. Loki did not actually thank him but he did try to rankle his host/captor a bit less.

Not that he always succeeded. "I don't see the point in you writing so much in a language no one else can read," Loki sniped on one of his less-good days, which he still had quite often, as the Doctor patiently covered sheets of paper with his mother tongue.

But the Doctor merely replied, "There is one other, and she deserves whatever I can leave her." He did not elaborate. Loki did not press right then, as he had secrets of his own.

Approximately fifteen days after his captivity in the TARDIS began, Loki discovered a room of steaming hot baths that enticed him with promise of comfort and relaxation. He took off his clothes and placed them inside a cupboard in the wall and settled into one of the baths to soak.

That is, until the Doctor appeared, wearing nothing but a white cloth around his waist. "I see that you found one of my favorites. Mind if I join - oh."

Loki's blood boiled. The Doctor had seen it. His secret. He curled into a ball and yelled, "OUT!"

"Loki, I'm not going to..."

"OUT!"

"Loki..."

"OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT!"

The Doctor let his towel fall in his rush to Loki's side. "No, no, no, no, no, no, and no. It's not something to be ashamed of, and I need you to know that."

"For a man to have the parts of a maiden?" Loki nearly sobbed, turning his face away from the Doctor.

"Plenty of male humanoids have female genitalia, and female humanoids male," the Doctor replied, earnest. "Gender and sex are not set in stone the way many cultures make them out to be. What matters is what you see as yourself - one, the other, both, neither. It's you who knows what you are, not some bunch of body parts. And for the Jotun being intersexed is common enough - I think as many as one in nine - that it is hardly thought of as something outrageous."

"But nobody told me I was of Jotunheim. And in Asgard they are very strict in what it is to be a man and what to be a woman. Sif struggled for years before she was recognized as a warrior."

The Doctor awkwardly maneuvered the unresisting Loki into a damp hug. "You know of how my people can regenerate. Well, it's a dicey proposition, except in the very few who learn how to control it. One might come out far younger than where one began, or older, or with a different color of skin, gender, sex, or sexuality. A friend of mine, the Corsair, was a woman three times and a man five, yet considered zirself the same person throughout and always only was attracted to female beings. I've always been male, but my personality and sexuality have changed each time. I've been attracted only to females, only to males, only to those who were strictly male or female, everyone, no one, only my ship, and only those with whom I have a strong emotional attachment already. And all of those were not things to be ashamed of. They were simply myself."

Loki coughed, his eyes teary. "I never spoke of my bleeding, thinking it some sort of wound, or disease, or the effect of being unpracticed at spells. Years ago...Thor and I drank too much mead. Far too much. And we lay with one another. Afterwards, having only limited memory of the event, we were repentant, thinking ourselves brothers, and vowed to act as though it had never occurred. Then my belly began to swell."

The Doctor hugged Loki tighter. Loki started trembling as he continued, "I hid it with glamours. And when it was born I left it on a lonely cliff side, ignoring its cries. No one ever knew. I left my daughter to die."

To Loki's surprise, the Doctor jumped up and clapped. "Ha! I love it when there are answers, things I can fix. Where exactly did you leave her and what year?"

"I don't understand."

"Get some clothes on. We're going to go rescue your daughter and find someone to adopt her. I'll take you to visit her sometimes, but I'm sure you understand you're not in the best condition to be a parent right now. Geronimo!"

And with that, Loki's healing truly began.

.......

 

"Does Thor have to know?" Loki asked once they had rescued the infant, as he held her in his arms in fear and wonderment. She was very pale, with dark coppery hair and blue eyes, and had stopped crying when he brought her into the TARDIS. Now she stared at him and gurgled, waving her tiny arms.

The Doctor hauled over an old wooden cradle with little carved dangling stars above it. "You can put her in here when your arms get tired. It would be healthy to let him know at some point, but it doesn't have to be now. Ultimately it should be your decision as the mother. Went through all the difficulty of bearing her and so on. Now, would you like me to go pick up formula, or would you like a shot of hormones so you can, erm...well..."

"That is something you are able to do?" Loki asked, lowering the child into the cradle. He wondered where the Doctor had obtained it, though the etchings made him presume it was a Gallifreyan relic.

"Oh, even 21st Century humans have isolated the correct hormones. By the 22nd century anyone who wishes and has access to the technology can pretty much carry, birth, and nurse offspring." The Doctor scratched the back of his own neck, nervous. "I won't pressure you either way."

"I think a 'formula' would be best, thank you," Loki said slowly. "I do not wish to become too attached to what would be unwise to keep."

As if on cue, the baby started to cry again. "There, there, Anja, your mummy does love you, he's just in a difficult spot at the moment." The Doctor noticed Loki staring at him and explained, "I speak almost every language, including Baby and Cat. And she calls herself Anja."

"There are worse names." Loki knelt beside the cradle and looked into it. "Forgive me, Anja. Please."

"You'll see her again. In fact, one day you might be in a place in your life where you can raise her yourself, and when that happens we can send both of you...somewhere. We'll come to a decision when it's time." The Doctor strode towards the console. "So, first we'll get formula, nappies, some toys, that sort of thing. Then to Earth, as going to Asgard would mean explaining things to Thor and Odin."

Loki sighed, rocking the cradle with one hand. "It says much that I would prefer explaining the situation to SHIELD and the Avengers than any of my own people. Adoptive or blood-kin."

...

From the Avengers' perspective it had been six months since the events that had first brought them together. The Doctor appeared in the middle of Coulson debriefing them about another mission at HQ, leading out a subdued Loki who carried a cradle out of the TARDIS with him. A cradle with a baby in it. A cradle with a baby in it that had a very, very strange origin story.

"So this is Loki's daughter," Agent Coulson asked yet again.

"Yes," said the Doctor.

"You never said you were a baby-daddy," Tony Stark quipped.

Loki glared at him. "I'm her mother."

Looonnnnngggg silence.

Steve raised his hand. "I really don't want to be impolite or ignorant, but I don't understand."

Bruce explained, "Even in humans, and I am guessing also and possibly more often in whatever species Loki is, a person can be born with the characteristics of more than one sex. In some cases they can have children, and in certain of those cases their ability to have children is different than the sex they seem to be. Which I suppose is what's going on here?"

Clint muttered something inarticulate and Natasha put an arm around him. "Diplomacy," she whispered. "There are plenty of good reasons to hate Loki, but this isn't one."

The Doctor gave Bruce a thumbs-up. "Haha. Love it when people are clever and all evolved and everything, especially for their time. Loki is and always has been a man, because he knows he is a man and says he is a man and feels like a man, and that is ultimately what decides whether someone is a man. He also happens to have a vagina. Are we all clear on this? Good. Now as I'm sure you will all agree, Loki is not in a good frame of mind, a good position as it were, to actively care for the child. He has also decided he does not want the father involved at this time -"

"Who is the father?" Tony asked.

Before the Doctor could say anything, Loki replied, "Thor. We were drunk. He doesn't know."

No one quite knew what to say for a moment.

The Doctor cleared his throat after the awkwardness reached its zenith. "It is not general knowledge in Asgard that Loki is adopted, in fact from a different subspecies entirely, and Loki also would face even worse prejudice there than here if his intersex nature were made public. I am proposing that SHIELD find suitable care for Anja. She will be the first hybrid Jotun-Asgardian and will probably need all the resources you have. If the higher-ups question whether this is a good idea, point out that Loki is hardly going to attack your planet when you are the ones sheltering his daughter. Also know that I will be checking in frequently, sometimes with Loki. If we find out that she's being used for experiments or something like that? There. Will. Be. Repercussions."

"Anja's a pretty name," said Steve, as if trying to make up for his earlier questions.

Agent Coulson pulled out his cell. "I suppose I should make a few phone calls. It would be easier if you two came with me. And Anja."

Natasha sprang to her feet. "Wait. All of you. Wait."

Loki stepped between Anja and Natasha, as if worried she was going to hurt her. "What?"

Twisting her hands, her eyes wide and genuinely afraid for the first time anyone present had ever seen her, except maybe Bruce when he was turning into the Hulk, she said, "I haven't always been called Black Widow or Natasha Romanov. When I was in the orphanage I was called..."

"Oh," said Tony, first to put the pieces together.

"Wait...wait wait wait," said Steve. "Am I right in thinking..."

"Yes," Natasha snapped, trembling as she stood.

"I think I need to go lie down somewhere dark and relaxing for a while," Bruce said, excusing himself.

Clint looked like something inside him was bending, not quite breaking, but slowly, painfully bending. He breathed deeply and dug his nails into his palms.

"You'd think this sort of thing wouldn't happen to me more than once," the Doctor muttered.

Loki looked at Anja, then at Natasha, then Anja, then Natasha. His voice was desolate. "And so my crimes are visited upon me again."

"Loki," the Doctor said, trying to put an arm around him.

Loki shrugged him off. "I see it now. I see how we hurt the ones we love. What is there I can say or do?"

"Well, for starters you could apologize," Natasha suggested stiffly.

Looking around the room - at Coulson still speechless, his hand frozen on his phone; at Steve not sure where to put his face; at Tony holding in hysteria; at Clint in anguish - Loki dropped to his knees. Then lay completely in the floor, kissing Natasha's boots. "I am so sorry, my darling. For it all. And I will not rest until it is made right." He looked up at her face for a few seconds, then, all composure lost, clung to her ankles and began to weep.

...

Eventually it was decided that Natasha would board the TARDIS and help the Doctor find the correct time and place to leave Anja to be raised, in order to protect the timeline. Loki went to his room to calm himself, and also avoid the moment where they would actually drop off his baby. The Doctor promised to take care of that for him.

"You mustn't touch her," the Doctor warned Natasha. "It'll cause a paradox. Fortunately the TARDIS is allowing the two of you on board because it's part of a stable time loop, but..."

"You don't need to go into a full explanation, Doctor. I won't touch her."

"I've put a shimmer on her - it's pretty much the same as what Loki would call a 'glamour', just more technologically comprehensible, at least to me - so she won't be detected as out of the ordinary. The hybridization of Asgadian and Jotun is most likely why you don't exhibit any superhuman powers beyond increased resilience, stamina, and agility. You are also likely to be sterile."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "For someone who calls himself 'The Doctor', you don't have the greatest bedside manner."

"I've been told that."

They found the correct orphanage in Moscow in the 1980's. The Doctor spun a convincing story about him and his assistant delivering Anja from an unwed mother who died in the birth, so it goes, how tragic, thank you, here's some money for the upkeep of this fine institute, goodbye now.

Once they were safely in the Vortex Natasha knocked on Loki's door. "May I come in?"

"The door isn't locked," Loki replied hoarsely.

Natasha entered. His room was all gray, black, and green, with a narrow bed and various books he'd squirreled away from the library. Loki was sitting on the green, lushly carpeted floor surrounded by mounds of wadded-up tissues. As she approached him he gathered them up and placed them in a wastebasket. "I feel such a fool."

"You're very smart, but you don't have a lot of sense," Natasha replied, sitting beside him.

Loki let out a short, bitter laugh. "See who the 'mewling quim' really is, yes?"

"I'm not surprised that you would have misogyny issues, given your gender...problems." Natasha clasped her hands together. "I meant it when I said love was for children. I've been feared, lusted after, and far more recently respected and befriended, but as a child I never received love so I never knew how to give it."

"Again, my regret far outstrips my ability to convey or redeem."

Natasha actually smiled a little. "Now you know what it's like to want to wipe out the red on your ledger."

"It would be well within your rights to throw my other words from that conversation back in my face."

She reached out and touched his cheek with the very tips of her fingers. "You're still alive, and you can still pay back debts, no matter how big."

He shut his eyes and allowed himself a shuddering exhale. "If you wish to tell Thor, or have Thor be told, it is up to you. I will most likely stay with the Doctor for a while yet."

"I'd like to stay with both of you, for a little while, if the Doctor doesn't mind." When she saw his expression she shrugged. "Might as well see some sights, and you're not the only one mending ways."

.....

It had been three days since the revelation of Natasha's parentage. Clint was troubled, needless to say, but had a habit of sleeping like a rock whenever he got the chance and unless someone tripped one of the many, many wires he'd set up around his bedroom in the newly reconstructed Stark Tower, now called the Avengers Mansion. And Natasha would hardly be Black Widow if she couldn't avoid such basic traps.

So what did wake him was her slipping an arm around his waist and whispering, "I missed you."

Even his subconscious knew her voice well enough by now that she was not immediately placed into a headlock, as anyone else would have been. Instead he rolled over and put an arm around her in return. "Missed you too. How long was it for you guys?"

"Eight months."

"Have some blanket."

She nestled against him gratefully. "Saw a lot of great things. The best probably was Loki saving my life."

"Huh. I looked up a bunch of Norse myths yesterday when I had the time. In them Loki gets knocked up all the damn time, and gives birth to horses and serpents and things."

"Wacky Vikings," she said with absolutely no inflection.

"Yeah. I - I'm glad you're not a talking wolf or anything like that."

They lay in silence for a while, friendly darkness around them. Then she said, "I understand if you're conflicted; he hurt you a lot, and you haven't seen how he's changed, and with him being my mother it's got to be weird..."

"Tash. Neither of us are our pasts or families. And I'm willing to comprehend one more killer turning around because they find someone worth caring about."

She didn't have anything to say to that, so she kissed him.

...

Thor was glad to see his friend the Doctor again after only a week, the blue box appearing in his chambers. He wrapped the Doctor in an embrace the moment he emerged. "How do you fare, noble Gallifreyan?"

"Oh, tolerably, tolerably," the Doctor replied. "Would you like to come aboard for tea? Loki wishes to speak to you first, though, in private."

"So soon? You are a wondrous healer indeed."

The Doctor scratched the back of his own neck. "If only. For us it has been in excess of a year. Come in. Things have been delayed long enough."

Thor was directed to the ship's library where he found Loki pensive before a fireplace, his hands clasped in front of him. "Brother, I am glad to be welcome in your presence once more," Thor greeted him.

Loki bit his lip. "Thor - allow me first to apologize for my actions."

"You are welcome to my forgiveness if the apology proves genuine."

"Sit. You will not wish to stand for this news."

"What is it?" But Thor obeyed.

The man he had for so long thought blood-kin spoke softly, so he had to lean forward to catch his words. "The Doctor explained to me a truth of the Jotun. It seems that a fair number - not a majority, but many enough to be known unremarkably - of the folk of Jotunheim have some characteristics of two sexes at once. This is also true of Midgardians but less so. He said he would not be surprised if there were Asgardians in secret with such traits. In any case, with such as these, one may have the mind and look of a maiden but the member of a man. Or, conversely, the mind, the heart, the soul of a man, and the appearance of a man, but have both a male member and a womb capable of bearing."

"Loki..." realization dawned on Thor's face.

"One of the reasons I was so bitter against you and Odin All-Father was that in growing up unaware of my heritage, I also grew not realizing what consequences I could suffer from, say, a drunken coupling. And if the Doctor had not learned my secret and interceded, what I had thought my first murder would have stayed a wound in my heart, letting all other deaths seem lesser."

"You are saying there was a child," Thor whispered. So many questions, yet this revelation was an answer to many as well.

"There is a child, not was. But through the mysteries of time travel and Fate, the child is grown and known to us both."

"Who?"

"Natasha Romanov, the Black Widow, is our daughter."

In silent shock, Thor could manage only one thing, the only thing that felt correct and healing at this time. He took Loki into his arms as both of them wept for reasons they could not speak.

...

The Doctor meanwhile explained the tale to Odin, who was grieved in extremity by what he had helped create. "How do you believe this could be made right?"

"I suggest you let Thor and Loki stay on Earth and help protect it from threats. They will want time with their daughter, even if the circumstances were strange - I know that from experience. Loki can be acknowledged as her mother with a minimum of prejudice, though sadly there will still be a great deal in Natasha's home era, and he can begin to repay his crimes. Thor will be with friends and also protect Loki from the wrath of rightfully angry humans, who in their search for vengeance would prevent him from redeeming himself and being a force for good. I'll put in a word for him at an organization known as UNIT if the people of SHIELD are initially unwilling to help him. They employed me in the past when I was marooned on their planet."

"Most just, most just," said Odin. "But what about you, Doctor?"

"Oh, me, don't worry about me."

"Surely we have been friends long enough for me to answer."

The Doctor took a deep breath. "I have another lost daughter born in unusual circumstances to meet. And I have delayed long enough. Farewell, All-Father."

...

"Why do you seem so sad?" Loki asked the Doctor as he was hugged goodbye just outside the Avengers Mansion. Loki no longer resisted hugs but was bad at giving them to anyone but Natasha.

"Surely he will miss the friend to him you have become," Thor said, clapping the Doctor on the shoulder. "I cannot thank you enough."

"Take good care of the Earth, please," the Doctor replied. "I've put a lot of work into it. Director Fury will have a visit from me momentarily, and remember that if you find yourselves unwelcome, instruct Natasha to contact UNIT, where Loki is sure to find a place."

When the Doctor had left them, Loki cleared his throat. "Perhaps in light of recent events you should no longer address me as 'Brother'."

"If you wish us to wed, I will do the honorable thing and..."

"Oh, no, no, just because we had a child together we shouldn't bind ourselves to one another. But call me 'Friend'. Or simply 'Loki'. And I shall be content."

And they entered the building, to begin a new journey.


End file.
